


Seeing the Light

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Drama, Het, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-07-05
Updated: 2004-07-05
Packaged: 2018-12-27 14:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12083307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian has a confession to make, and Justin reacts accordingly. Ski masks and cheap chocolate lube make cameo appearances.





	Seeing the Light

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

(Semi-Note: A bunch of people seem to be confused by this, so um, explanation - this was written during the last fandom flare-up over Mary Sues. I used the MaggieFic Mary Sue generator (http://www.maggiefic.com/marysue.htm) for the name and Mary-Sue-attributes. Basically? This is meant to be parody. Don't take it too seriously.)

* * *

Brian stepped through the doors of the diner, glancing warily from side to side. He sidled over to the counter, and tried to take a seat as unobtrusively as possible.

Justin leaned on the counter and looked at him. "I suppose you're here for our lunch special, too? I'm sorry, we're having a bit of a situation here today, so that'll take about fifteen minutes longer than usual. Would you like a lemon bar while you're-" He stopped abruptly.

Brian cringed behind his ski mask. Apparently he'd been recognised.

"Okay, what the fuck?" Justin asked. He didn't look as surprised at Brian had thought he'd be. Great. _Cosmo_ always said that when your ability to surprise someone was dead, sooner or later, so was your relationsh- Brian forced his mind away from such thoughts. He was not in a _relationship_ with Justin. Not now that ... 

Justin peered at Brian, waiting for an answer. He must have read something in Brian's expression, because he said, "I don't think anything you do can surprise me any more. Not after the whole Concerned Citizens incident."

Brian cringed some more. Somehow, he doubted this would stay true in the light of what he was about to reveal. He forced those thoughts out of his mind, and reached into his pocket. "I bought you flavoured lube," he mumbled.

Justin raised an eyebrow at him. "Sorry, what? I can barely hear you as it is, behind that ski mask. And are the huge mirrored sunglasses really necessary?"

Brian glared at him, even though he knew Justin wouldn't see it. He tossed the lube onto the counter, where it landed with a dull thunk, then looked up at Justin and said, "I need to tell you something."

Justin looked alarmed. "Somehow I get the feeling this isn't good."

Brian sighed dreamily. "Oh, I don't know. I, for one, think it's a very good thing." He sobered. "I just don't know how you others are going to take it."

He watched as Justin seemed to have a brief internal battle over whether he should mock Brian's dreamy sigh or not, then continued seriously, "Justin."

Justin looked at him.

Brian said, "I'm in love. With a woman."

Justin's mouth dropped open. He snapped it shut, then regarded Brian. "Really."

Brian ripped off the shades and ski mask, feeling the real danger was past. "Her name's Felicitie Ravenwing," he continued eagerly, trying his utmost not to blush. But the mere thought of the beautiful Felicitie, with her joyous laugh and designer clothes, made him smile goofily. From the look Justin was giving him, he suspected he had also lost his battle with the blush.

"Okay," Justin said, throwing his hands in the air. He tugged distractedly at his hair, then started playing about with the lube. He looked at the tube and frowned. "You came here to tell me you're in love with a woman, and you still couldn't be bothered to buy me the good chocolate lube as a please-don't-kill-me present? You're _such_ a cheap bastard."

Brian looked uncomfortable. "I'm sorry. It was all they had left."

Justin stared. "Did you just apologise? Without any urging whatsoever on my part?"

Brian stood up defensively. "What the fuck, Justin? I finally come out to you with the greatest, most wondrous secret of my life and all you can do is bitch about the lube and be surprised that I'm apologising?"

Justin looked contrite. "I'm sorry too, Brian. It must be the shock."

Brian sat back down, but looked upset. "Shouldn't you at least queen out a bit?" He sniffled. "I thought we meant more to each other than this, Justin."

"Excuse me? You're the one who's in love with a - a woman here, in case you forgot!"

Brian sighed dreamily once again. "Oh, I could never forget. She's far too lovely for that." He looked at Justin pleadingly. "I've been wanting to talk about it for so long, but there was nobody who knew. You're the first I've told of this."

"And I feel so honoured," Justin grumbled. However, he did look slightly mollified, Brian noted thankfully.

Brian reached out to grip the edge of the counter with both hands. He looked at Justin woefully, tilting his head to one side, then stuck out his lower lip slightly for added effect. As he expected, Justin caved.

"Oh, all right!" he said irritably, tugging at his hair again. "I'll listen as long as you stop mangling my best pout like that. God, remind me to teach you how to pout properly some time. I can guarantee you'll need it to deal with your - what was her name? Felicitie Ravenwing? - properly." He sighed dramatically. "So. Tell me about her."

A huge smile lit up Brian's face, then he started to gush. "Well, she's a supermodel. She's gorgeous, and has almost as many designer clothes as me. Of course, I still have more, because no woman alive is going to out-label-queen me. Also, she's Mulder's shady ex-lover, which is extremely fucking cool because maybe she'll be able to introduce me to Mulder, and he's hot - I mean. Sorry, I forgot I was going straight for a second. Also also, she's an Empath, which means she'll be able to know what I'm feeling, all the time - I won't be able to hide anything from her! Isn't that such a turn-on? Also also also, she's like the hottest woman I've ever seen." 

He took a break to sigh dreamily again, then continued, "She has beautiful hair, it's the colour of burnished wheat. And her eyes, oh, her eyes - they're the spitting image of a hazy winter sky. And she smells fabulous - like midnight-blooming jasmine." He looked at Justin earnestly, then lowered his voice. "You know what though? My favourite thing about her, it's her lips. They're so full and pouting."

Throughout this, Justin had been staring at Brian as if he'd lost his mind. "All right, now just wait a bloody second here, Mr. Kinney!" He snatched up the lube, then slammed it down so hard it burst open and a gob of goo spat out onto the counter. They both stared down at it for a second, then Justin growled, regaining Brian's attention.

"Let me get this straight - I mean - clear," Justin amended hastily. "You are in love with this woman, Felicitie Ravenwing."

Brian nodded vigorously, then caught sight of Justin's glare. He prudently decided not to add on his new trademark, the dreamy sigh.

"Well!" Justin snapped. "What the hell has she got that I haven't?"

Brian started to answer, but Justin silenced him with a look.

"Think about it." He started counting off points on his fingers. "Hair the colour of burnished wheat? Hello?" He flicked a lock of his silky blond hair out of his eyes. "Eyes like a hazy winter sky?" He bent so his beautiful eyes were looking directly into Brian's, and batted his lashes at him. "Full, pouty lips?" He deliberately ran his tongue over his lips, moistening them, and smirked in satisfaction when Brian had to shift uncomfortably on his stool. "She can tell what you're feeling? Whatever, so can I. You know I'm totally onto you."

Brian tried not to whimper.

"She may have designer clothes, but she'll be so busy appreciating her own looks she'll never notice yours," Justin continued ruthlessly. "And a supermodel, Brian? Really. The average supermodel is more snotty, conceited and tantrum-prone than you could ever dream of being. She'll show you up at every stage."

Brian meeped.

Justin frowned. "And okay, maybe I don't smell like midnight-blooming jasmine, but-"

"You smell better," Brian interrupted in a tiny voice, looking up at Justin meekly.

Justin melted. "Oh, Brian." He toned down his glare somewhat. "And you're forgetting two very important things. Whether she's Mulder's shady ex-lover or not, the fact still remains I have a really big cock and the best ass you've ever seen."

Brian reached out and took Justin's hand. "You're right. You're so right. I don't know what I was thinking."

Justin shook his head. "I tried to warn you about taking drugs that weren’t prescribed by a physician or recommended by a reliable pharmacist."

Brian furrowed his brow. "No, it wasn't drugs. It was like this strange voice in my head, telling me I wanted ..." he shuddered, "pussy." He looked at Justin gratefully. "You've saved me from a life of moral corruption and depravity, Justin."

"My pleasure." Justin beamed at him, and Brian stood up hurriedly. "Come on. Let's go to Babylon and fuck in the backroom."

"Okay," Justin said, agreeably. "My shift's over, anyway."

Brian reached over and snatched up the broken tube of lube. "We'll stop at the Olde Libertie Sex Shoppe to get you the good chocolate lube," he promised, tossing the spoilt tube in a nearby trash can. "Now, to the fuckmobile, away!"

And on that note, they exited.


End file.
